2013 toungue-in-cheek award goes to...
Our tongue-in-cheek awards, the Raspberries or Razzies, go to all those who actually do not deserve any applause at all. Hemal Ashar administers a kadak jhaapad like a crackling paapad, crrrrrack...!
The Pyaaz, Humein Kis Mod Pe Le Aaya Award
To all those responsible for pushing up onion prices, so that the people of Mumbai could be mistaken into thinking they were buying oysters not onions.
Meanwhile, we hear that family elders are leaving behind onions to be passed on as wealth and kaandas have started trading on the Bombay Stock Exchange (BSE). Onions will soon be blue-chip shares but like they say: gamble at your own risk.
The Jhapaak, Fixing, Fixing, Fixing Gilli, Gilli, Yaah Award
To the 2013 Indian Premier League (IPL) spot fixing and betting case with the Delhi Police arresting Sreesanth, Ajit Chandila and Ankeet Chavan, on spot-fixing charges.
Cricket’s muddy chapter was full of drama with Indian cricket board president N Srinivasan’s son-in-law Gurunath Meiyappan arrested and Vindu Dara Singh too arrested. Cricket’s credibility was once more gone with the Vind(u).
The Bol Baby Bol, Rock ‘n’ Petrol Award
To the spiralling petrol prices that made car owners wish that banks were giving out loans for petrol, not cars.
Different reasons were given for the zooming lucre for the liter that one had to shell out, from depreciating rupee to global crisis and whatever else too complicated to recount. This year, let’s see if the ministers continue to make fuels of the public.
The Recuse Blows Your Fuse Award
To Tarun Tejpal of Tehelka, whose pompous words have blown up in his face, following a rape charge. Tejpal had written a letter to Tehelka claiming he was going away for six months to ‘recuse’ himself.
Instead, Tejpal realized that he was not going too far, except the Panaji lock-up. The hi-profile, pony-tailed, aging Tehelka titan became symbolic of sexual harassment in the corporate world.
The Actors’ Guild Award
To all those who blamed their favourite five-letter flogging horse the ‘press’ for spreading what they termed as typical ‘masala rumours’ before the Hrithik Roshan-Susanne Khan breakup. While the couple, of course, have pleaded for privacy in these difficult times (now, where have we heard that before?), the press had been long hinting at trouble in the marriage.
They were summarily dismissed as those money-taking, phukat faaltus who have a very good sense of rumour. Even Hrithik tweeted something in September about all the speculation and a family member of one part of the couple ‘blasted’ (we shiver, we quiver) the press. Today, with split confirmed, we do not revel in being right but say: sticks and stones may break our bones (ouch!) but names will never hurt us.
The Jhadoo Nagari Award
To all those who doubted that people would vote for the Aam Aadmi Party (AAP).
Arvind Kejriwal’s debut showed that people are willing to gamble on change, whatever that may be. Today, Keju ‘n’ Co, whose symbol was a jhadoo or broom are promising to sweep the corridors of power clean and dancing to: Dixit or Mr. Fixit... we’re going to nix it.
The Swift Kick on the As-aram Award
To controversial godman Asaram Bapu accused of sexually assaulting a 16-year-old girl at his ashram in Jodhpur on the pretext of exorcising her from evil spirits. The Jodhpur police arrested him on September 1, 2013 from his ashram.
Earlier, too, Asaram had been in the news for some controversial statements following the Delhi gang-rape where reports stated he said that the girl (Nirbhaya) should have called the rapists her brothers and asked them to stop. He later claimed familiarly that he had been ‘misquoted and misrepresented.’
The Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay Re Supreme Saiba Award
To all those who have sent the Section 377 issue, which criminalizes sex between two consenting adults, back to Parliament. At a time when fierce debate rages worldwide about marriage rights for gay persons, an archaic British rule still prevails in ‘progressive’ India. Time for people to come together and give it the gay-te.