Six things I learnt in 2013
1. Even though we now possess mobile phones and live in an era of instant connectivity, arriving half an hour after the appointed time for a meeting is standard Bombay protocol. Also texting in advance or SMSing an apology doesn’t seem to be necessary — “Hota hai, boss, Oshiwara, serious bottleneck, yaar”. So explaining why you were not on time, justifies not being on time. Much like airlines that take off three hours late, announce, “Ladies and gentlemen, the reason for this delay is the late arrival of the previous flight”. How is that an excuse? How is it anywhere close a reasonable justification as say, “Ladies and gentlemen, owing to the previous flight being hijacked, we are leaving late,” or “Ladies and gentlemen one wheel just came off this plane, the pilot after much deliberation feels it is unsafe to take off”.
2. That you post a joke on Facebook and someone responds with ‘LOL’. A second ‘friend’ laughs hysterically with ‘LOLOLOLOLO’. A third chortles ‘ROTFL’. And a fourth guffaws, ‘ROTFLMAO’. And you wonder when the language we inherited from the British devolved into acronyms? And absurd abbreviations like ‘de, dat, dere, dis and wot’! Explain to me how ‘dat’ is a short form for ‘that’ and ‘wot’ for ‘what’?
3. That Dhoom 3 has blatantly copied from Matrix, Matrix Reloaded, Batman Rises, Dark Knight Rises, Sherlock Holmes and Sherock Holmes — A Game of Shadows.
But Dhoom 3 also copied from Dhoom 2.
4. That Aamir Khan can wear a bowler hat and ride a BMW motorcycle that doubles up as a submarine, at the same time. What I learnt is you can get waterproof bowler hats.
5. That there exists in the city a car insurance company that can settle a claim as quickly as in two weeks. Not only do you get a new car with a ‘haar’ on it, arriving in precisely 14 days after the accident, but the new car is an upgrade from the previous one (Man, I lost a Swatch once, and all the insurance company sent me a was a watch strap). I really need to get the coordinates of this company, as I’m planning to buy the same vehicle James Bond drives around in. Think it’s called an Aston Martin.
6. That I thought we were sunk politically between Rahul baba’s vacuousness and Narendraji’s viciousness. No one was giving me election promises and we’re a few months away from a Lok Sabha poll. And then comes along Arvind Kejriwal. Granted his winter sartorial choices resemble an Emirates air hostess. But he’s a game-changer and to pull the media rug from under Modi’s feet is an achievement itself. Hum AAPke hai fan, gotta say, bro. Now fly off on your magic broom and win a general election.
Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62 @gmail.com
The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.